The Answer: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. Icons & Idols Hollywood (#1212) 12/01/2011 9:00 AM PST CLOSED! Q: What sign did Queen Elizabeth hang on Princess share. , The Question: Who is the longest surviving member of the Japanese Air Force? Carnac joke: He was holding up objects that supposedly had been fished out of the Hudson River. I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_harry_book.php The Question: Why do most married men die before their wives? While in the past it was very common for women to die in labor, it is now very rare in modern hospitals. After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed. 99 $28.11 $28.11. QUESTION: What does the president of Nestea use when his A: Jaws 2 and Capricorn One. The Question: My grandpaw walked five miles a day when he was 60. kaleido? So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. Screenkey. May the bird of paridise fly up your noseMay an elephant caress you with its toesMay your wife be plaqued with runners in her hoseMay the bird of paridise fly up your nose, Ron Williams (not Tom Nadas, but an incredible simulation)--, UUCP: {decvax,linus,ihnp4,uw-beaver,allegra,utzoo}!utcsri!tomCSNET: tom@toronto, "Look over there, a dry ice factory. A: Black feet. Q: How long does a United States Congressman serve? ", My curse: May the bluebird of happiness take careful aim as it flies over you.-- Dave Montuori (Dr.ZRFQ) UUCP: !decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!damUVa CS dept, C'ville, Va. CSNET: dam@virginia, "May Allah blow sand in your Preparation H.". A: Sissss, Boooom, Baaaaah! Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Well, as it turns out, Parshas Balak starts off with this wicked king named Balak trying to get this wicked mystic named Bilaam to cast a curse upon the Jewish people. Q: What did Sonny Bono used to be? The Phantom of the Opera, The Lion King, and Donald Trumps mouth. Q: What do you do if a Chinese laundry ruins your shirts? A: "Gung Ho!" A: Milk and honey. pre built n scale train layouts. KeyCastr. A: WKRP In Cincinnati. A: Jaques Cousteau. In the ongoing sketch, Carnac would draw a sealed envelope from a mayonnaise jar, and hold it to his forehead. The Answer: At least you can get four quarters out of a dollar. Hand made. I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. Organized in groups of 10. "Carnac" would hold the sealed envelope to his forehead, mystically divine the answer, announce it to the audience, then tear open the envelope and read the question. Price starting at $87.97 for basic 5,000 sq. ", and "9W" was the answer to "Mr. Wagner, do you spell your name with a V?" Q: When is the next RTD bus scheduled to arrive? A: The Loch Ness Monster. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php Adam and Eve had more problems than that forbidden apple. Q: Name one guy who's rich after April 15th. CARNAC: May the winds of the Sahara blow a desert scorpion Ed McMahon: Shogun. 2004 upper deck baseball cards. Ed: (Ed points to the nearest exit and hands Clarnac the first envelop and says) Envelop number 1. Q: Name a Kristofferson. The Question: Name 8 things that will soften your brain. While all were memorable, its her duet with Carson thats particularly unforgettable. Q: Name three people who sell a lot of junk. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. shorts. Ed McMahon would hand Carson a series of envelopes containing questions, said to have been hermetically sealed and kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnallsporch since noon today.. Images tagged "johnny carson". Although he retired in 1992 and died in 2005, the consensus remains that Johnny Carson was the greatest late night-talk show ever. Q: What is a mother of 27 children? Or are you just happy to see me? The "Carnac the Magnificent" segments were always good for laughs, from the moment "Carnac" entered the studio and walked off in the wrong direction, then corrected himself only to trip on the step at the edge of the set at the beginning of every segment. Houses of Prayer and Study, however, are with us always. A: Pat and Debby Boone. "You Light Up My Life.". CARNAC: May the swami of Bagdad squat on your fez. Clarnac: Get your mind out of the gutter. A: The Laughing Policeman. Question: "What does a doctor use to look at your kaleido?" Stumble It! . ", Robert Bickford (r@well.uucp)================================================| I doubt if these are even my own opinions. "A triple and a double, catcher's and fielder's, and Dolly Parton""Name two big hits, two big mitts..and a famous country singer! Q: What do you call a military coup led by General The Question: What did Rodneys doctor tell him when he asked for a second opinion? A: "The Dumplings." A: 50 miles per hour. , The Question: How did Marie Osmond lose 50 pounds with NutriSystem? A: Double trouble. dee? Line: 208 , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. promises. "May your finger get stuck in your nose, and the nail continue to grow", (I have forgotten the origin of this one). A: Flyswatter. A: Lorne Green. A: "Rose Bowl." A list of Carnac the Magnificent puns! ANSWER: Blazing Saddles. I unfortunately have not kept up with this particularfield, so can enlighten you no further.--, Craig Werner !philabs!aecom!werner "Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. A: Clean air, a virgin and a gas station open on Sunday. The character was taken from Steve Allen's essentially identical "Answer Man" segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host of The Tonight Show in the 1950s. Q: Describe a double feature with Earthquake and The (In one episode, technicians rigged Carsons desk to fall apart when Carnac fell into it. May a love -starved fruit-fly molest your sister's nectarines. The Question: Whats the name of Bidens black, female affirmative action nominee to the Supreme Court? CARNAC: May you be forced to visit a near-sighted They've been kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnalls' porch since noon today. Browse more quotes by famous person's name. Johnny Carson entertained audiences for 30 years as the host of The Tonight Show. From Carnac the Magnificent to his very close encounter with a python, heres our list of Carsons greatest moments. the Denver Nuggets. May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. folks who ran "The Tonight Show" in the 70's. Q: What do you use to fry a peter? So I created my own character, CLARNAC the Magnificent and created my own material as a tribute and for my own amusement. On one occasion frequently rebroadcast on anniversary shows, Carson's desk was replaced with a lightweight balsa-wood version; this allowed Carson to trip and smash through it. A: You asked for it. -- Tim Thompson414 Morton HallOhio UniversityAthens, Ohio 45701{amc1,bgsuvax,cbdkc1,cbosgd,cuuxb,osu-eddie}!oucs!tim. Check the NSFW checkbox to enable not-safe-for-work images. Q: How do you get it? Jackie Lynch 242 followers More information Show"? May you be rich enough to own a house with 100 rooms, and may you be found dead in every one of them. Q: What are the only things that can move on Sundays? Q: Name three movements. May you fall into an outhouse just as a band of Ukranians has finished a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer. View all. May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. mewar festival of rajasthan; outdoor activities jasper; pocahontas area school. Q: Who are the candidates for mayor of Los Angeles? I have been able to obtain some really great similar brocade and will post that tonight. Q: Where is the American dollar headed? Q: Name a Fudd, a Mudd and a dud. Q: What's good advice to give a Japanese tailor? A: Rocky, Network and The Silver Streak. NO ONE! Q: Name a jewel, a tool and a fool. A: "Follow the yellow brick road." Q: What should you answer to everything George Foreman QUESTION: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. hair". CARNAC: May your only son become a Pointer Sister. ANSWER: Dustin Hoffman. "Carnak: Do-whacka-doEd: Do-whacka-doCarnack: What do you look for when you're hunting do-whackas?Carnak: Dippity-doEd: Dippity-doCarnak: What collects on your dippity in the morning?A. Q: What will be written on the Happy Hooker's tombstone? Q: What's in Jimmy Dean's sausages? "Some sad news from Australia.the inventor of the boomerang grenadedied today. The character was introduced in 1964. And even people who dont work at all need not starve, as food banks and charities abound, and governments provide welfare. CARNAC: May a weird customs inspector discover a secret The Answer: I didnt think I had enough gas. Q: What do you say when calling your quat? I'm Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carson 's desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). Carnac the Magnificentwas a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carsonon The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. , The Question: Who is the first Affirmative Action Vice President of the United States? Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise I note with amusement the "Fuck Your Feelings" crowd's epic hissy-fit stompy-foot meltdown over the fact that I referred to Trump's "Diaper Valet" in a tweet yesterday. A: Ironware. , The Question: What would a lot of people like to do to Lady Gaga? The Question: What is Pete Buttigiegs favorite planet? Longtime sidekick Ed McMahon ritualistically and bombastically introduced the Carnac routines. Q: Describe the Nixon income tax deductions. This was to some degree a variation on Steve Allen's recurring "The Question Man" sketch. Amazon's Choice for carnac hat. The Question: How did Obiden sanction the Russians for invading Ukraine? The Answer: Confused, weak, feeble, and uncertain. A: Once is not enough. A: An unmarried woman. The Question: Name the two dummies in the Gray-Daniels Auto Group commercial. Line: 24 dickory? , The Question: How do you spell lahgahbahtahqua? A: "Yes man." Q: How do you play piggyback with Telly Savales? All the funny items on this website are fictitious. One of Johnny's best-loved characters was Carnac the Magnificent. Q: What do you need after Hamburger Helper? However, it was his allusion to the old college cheer that gained him the loudest and longest laugh of the night. Box 4, Folder 45. [1] . The Temple was destroyed, and Israel was left with neither kings nor kingdom. Q: What holds up Oral Roberts' pants? Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. up your turban. A: Bedbug. The answer was always an outrageous pun. Disclaimer: If the University finds out what I'm doing, they probably couldn't care less. A: Grape Nuts. (Joke only good for Central Mississippi folks). sister's hooped skirt. The Answer: No more years! Question Man. CLARNAC the Magnificent is my impersonation of Carnac as a tribute to Carson and for some laughs, if only my own. Carnac The Magnificent undated. CARNAC: May your wife give mouth-to-mouth resusitation to A: Bi-focal. A: Head and shoulders. I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. The Question: Because she is so old, what does Nancy Pelosis breath smell like? MORE OF THE BEST OF CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT. Q: What does a stupid altar boy do? Key'n'Stroke. Q: What made Ludwig blind as well as deaf? which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. , What do diapers and politicians have in common? Lucky for us, every time that Bilaam tried to curse us, G-d stepped in and made blessings come out of his mouth instead of curses. The Question: What was the third grade to Jackson councilman Kenny Stokes? A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. Q: What is a drink made with soy sauce and prune juice? Get Image May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. , The Question: Name a mule, a donkey, and a jackass. And I enjoyed every single minute of it.. Q: How do you say "Good morning" to your diddly Function: view, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/index.php A: The ZIP Code. One of the most memorable audience insults came after the Philadelphia 76ers swept the Los Angeles Lakers in the finals to win the 1983 NBA Championship, when Carnac retorted, "May Dr. J slam dunk your cat." Are you sure you want to cancel your membership with us? A: Crabgrass. Q: What instrument does a doctor use to examine your I hope it makes you laugh. Mouse over chart for play descriptions. A: Deep freeze. The Answer: Because they are afraid someone will clean them. In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as Carnac the Magnificent. Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the answers to questions that were sealed in an envelope. , The Question: What is the oath of office for all politicians? A: Dustin Hoffman. Q: Where does the line go outside an unemployment office? Clarnac doing verbal comedy bit for the hearing impaired. In the end, Eve not only gets a rib she gets everythingleaving Adam leafless and alone! A: Cyclone. A: Last Tango in Paris. . One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. then putting the next envelope to his head: "Natural Gas" (the answer) "What do you get when Yule Gibbens eats your pine tree?" (Original post) Gladys Knight and the Pips. A: The Newlywed Game. Q: Describe a stoned bowling team. 4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars (164) $23.99 $ 23. "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts", or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister", or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits". "Carnac" examples: "Billy Graham, Virginia Graham, and Lester Maddox" . but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these . The Question: Whats a great name for a proctologist? Q: What happens when your lorne rots? Describe the sound you hear when a sheep blows up!! Q: What do you call Hershey's Prune Kisses? A client of mine was hosting a dinner party, wanted to entertain her guests by re-enacting this skit between Johnny Carson and Ed . Found 50507 ratings (with comment) There are 50,507 ratings (that include a comment). Carnac: May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your underpants. . CARNAC: May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. Box 4, Folder 48. A: General Curtis LeMay, the Red Baron and Carnac. A: Mop and Glow. The Question: How much is Oprah Winfrey worth? plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. ED: I liked that but I seem to be the only one. nowadays. More Quotes from Carnac the Magnificent show! , The Question: Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were in Congress. If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember Carnac the Magnificent, a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. A: A nine foot base with two feet of powder. ft. coverage regular price $109.95 Calendar & Tip Sheet January Calendar January Tipsheet Marty's Acre Drinks on the Acre February 13 - 5:30 PM The 2nd Monday of every month we invite you to join us on location at Marty's Acre to talk gardening and enjoy a selection of brew chosen by Marty. -- -------------------------------------------------------------"they forcibly extracted the word 'but' from his vocabulary, and locked him in a room with 10 economists"-------------------------------------------------------------. These curses were always absurd, and many of them involved yaks, as in: "May an unclean yak sit on your dinner." "May a sick yak leave a gift in your sock drawer." "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your . be sending Georgia soon? Paul Rosenzweig, George Washington University law professor and former deputy assistant secretary for policy in the Department of Homeland Security, told Yahoo News via email it reminded him of Johnny Carson's "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch "where he knows the . violence? [+6] - George - 11/14/2011 Answer: A goober, a cruller, and OmSigDavid. This is a very exciting evening for us at ______________________. these envelopes, Clarnac: May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. lets have a big round of applause for Clarnac the Magnificent. If a joke bombed, Carnac went after the audience with all kinds of creative curses including, "May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt!" . A: "Breaking Away" and "Here's Boomer." CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on Story. A: England, France and Greece. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Q: What price will gas be if it's under a dollar? The Question: Name the only three people in the world making any money off going green. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. Sunday, 16 December 2018. Dont break the concentration of the mystic from the East, or he will place a curse on you! The segment included several running gags. Please see our terms and conditions and disclaimer. Next Johnny will retaliate with a "Comedic Curse" such as: "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts" or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister" or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bed pan. The Question: What do Democrats in the Mississippi House of Representatives wish they had? juice? Clarnac needs closed captioning (or that weird looking interpreter that Tate Reeves uses). https://www.torchweb.org, Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston, Please Patronize Our Calendar Advertisers - Full Listing. Carnac the Magnificent, in which Carson played a psychic who clairvoyantly divined the answer to a question contained in a sealed envelope. CARNAC: May an unclean yak have an accident on your toupee. Q: Who ruined that darn rug? A: The Sugarland Express. Q: Name the only three things you can afford to eat Question: Why does the Colonels Original Recipe Chicken not taste the same anymore? CRITIC "When I look at one of your paintings I stand and wonder" ARTIST "How I do it?" CRITIC "No; why you do it." You can always tell the English, You can always tell the Dutch, You can always . A: Timbuktoo. The Answer: Kermit the Frog, Shrek, and Al Gore. A long running bit on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show.Carson would appear in a turban and cloak as "Carnac the Magnificent" . Maybe someday we'll have a cannonical list.-- Al Schwartz Pacesetter Systems, Inc., Sylmar, CAUUCP: {ttidca|ihnp4|sdcrdcf|quad1|nrcvax|bellcore|logico}!psivax!alARPA: ttidca!psivax!a@rand-unix.arpa. Line: 478 A: The eye of a frog, the wing of a fly and the throat of a The Answer: Dr. Ben Casey, Dr. James Kildaire, Dr. Doogie Howser, Dr. Marcus Welby, Granny Moses (Beverly Hills) and Dr. Anthony Fauci. Q: What does the Galloping Gourmet do during an earthquake? Although Bilaams curses were many, all of the other curses - save the one for Houses of Prayer and Study - eventually came to pass. A: Black and white and twenty feet tall. "May Yule Gibbens eat your pine trees!" Q: What will you get if you ignore a trucker's blockade? I used a couple of small binder clips to make it snugger so it would not fall off. The one that had McMahon and Carson nearly rolling on the floor with sustained laughter was Sis boom bah. Name, in reverse order, a droll comedian, the first name of a popcorn purveyor and a fat, self-absorbed, obnoxious loser!" . May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. Eds Intro: Ladies (if any) and gentlemen. on a country? I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. JOHNNY CARSON'S MAGICAL BEGINNINGS. A: That darn cat. A: Never on Sunday. Q: Who old do you have to be to date Princess Margaret? Amazingly, we see the Vilna Gaons prediction coming true in our own times, as many of the curses mentioned in the Bible have already disappeared. . And on this particular night, Carson performed his "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. NO ONE [at this shout, Carnac always acts startled] knows the contents of these envelopes but you, in your mystical and borderline divine way, will ascertain the answers having never before heard the questions. 42 results for "carnac hat" RESULTS. "I've seen sex, and I think it's OK." -- Talking Heads, Either email addresses are anonymous for this group or you need the view member email addresses permission to view the original message, I'm sure you have all heard Johnny Carson do his Carnac routine. Saint Sophia Cathedral is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and one of the most significant landmarks of Kiev, Ukraine. Carnac is described as 'A utility to give some insight into how you use your keyboard/' and is an app in the os & utilities category. A: Pillbury cooking contest, a spasm of the diaphragm and , The Question: What do you call a Methodist who is not afraid of water? During one of his infamous animal interactions, Johnny Carson got up close and very personal with a Burmese python. , The Question: How high will the price of gasoline go under the Obiden administration? says? The Question: Describe the U.S. economy under the Obiden administration. The Question: Why do they lock gas station restrooms? A: Sir Lawrence Olivier, the Oscars and the oil shortage. In this memorable skit, Carson and Betty White stripped down to their skivvies to reenact the divorce proceedings for humanitys first couple. Clarnac: (Glares at Ed) Clarnac is supposed to be the funny guy. A: Gatorade. The Question Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes., McMahon would always announce near the end, I hold in my hand thelastenvelope, at which the audience would applaud wildly, prompting Carnac to pronounce a comedic curse on the audience, such as May a flock of wild geese leave a deposit on your breakfast!, May your sister elope with a camel!, May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister, or the most famous: May the bird of paradise fly up your nose!. In fact, had Bilaam been successful in his attempt to curse us, the Jewish people would have been destroyed, G-d forbid. skirt. A: "Coming home." parents. A: Short eyes. Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions.

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